Humor

[LundLover]

Originally Posted by fishman34

i see hes made it from modeling on beaches to runway shows....

You know, some things can't be "unseen."

[fish_finder]

Video

[Ty Stromquist]

Originally Posted by fish_finder

Video

haha that was pretty good.

[CanoeGuru]

Carl's my hero! Carl Big Red!

[Adam R]

Originally Posted by CanoeGuru

Carl's my hero! Carl Big Red!

Got Carl?

[AnglerX]

The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the
local coffee shop for a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes,
and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket. I
said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity
annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then wrote
out another ticket for having worn tires. So I proceeded to call him a
'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on
the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket when I
called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes. The
more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.
>
> Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the
car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers
that said, 'Obama in '08.' I try to have a little fun each day now that
I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's important to my health!

[fishman34]

even though a few of you on the forum have these as originals this is a pretty fun site.

Yearbook Yourself

[Dad O.]

Even if you've seen these before, they are still hilarious!!!
What DO they teach in journalism courses these days?
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual!) HEADLINES
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No, really?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers. Now that's taking things a bit far!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. What a guy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. See if that works any better than a fair trial!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
War Dims Hope for Peace. I can see where it might have that effect!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile. Ya' think?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures. Who would have thought!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. They may be on to something!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group. Weren't they fat enough?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chain-saw Massacre all over again!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors. Boy, are they tall!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity, and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh at least once a day.

[WalkingNe]

My friend whose brother is a Dr, sent this to me. The Dr's wife is former military


EMERGENCY ROOM....
The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the Internet onto the front of my shirt.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.
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[fishman34]

i cant do the alphabet thingy sober, i cant imagine doing it while under the influence, and this guy is a pretty good dancer

[CanoeGuru]

That video is awesome! He is great at reciting the alphabet backwards, and he is indeed a great dancer. I was just wondering how many more dance moves she was going to come up with for him!

[BPbowhunter]

That video is really funny!!!!

[H2only]

Originally Posted by CanoeGuru

That video is awesome! He is great at reciting the alphabet backwards, and he is indeed a great dancer. I was just wondering how many more dance moves she was going to come up with for him!

that video is actually a skit from the TV comedy "Reno 911" its not real

[fishman34]

Senator John McCain pointed out to Senator Barack Obama that terrorism was a global problem, noting that 3 Brazilian soldiers had been killed by terrorists in the previous week. "That's terrible," a startled Barack Obama stammered in reply. "How many is a Brazilian?"

John McCain's military record has Barack Obama's supporters in Hollywood worried, so they've decided to make a movie about Obama's military experience. The working title is "Full Dinner Jacket."

John McCain is far more knowledgeable and experienced than Barack Obama when it comes to Islamic nations. McCain fought there during the crusades.

As a former POW, John McCain spent time in prison before entering politics. By contrast, Barack Obama will hold public office first.

Mike Huckabee's bumpersticker: Honk If You Love Jesus
Barack Obama's bumpersticker: Honk If You Think I Am Jesus
John McCain's bumpersticker: Honk If You Want Amnesty for Jesús

Q. Hillary Clinton wears boxers. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Barack Obama wears thongs. What does John McCain wear?
A. Depends.

Barack Obama's release of what he claims to be his 1961 birth certificate is being questioned since it appears to have been made with a laser printer. There's no question about the authenticity of John McCain's birth certificate. It's carved in stone.

Barack Obama has repeatedly refused John McCain's debate challenges. Obama told McCain that he wants a speed-reading contest instead. "We'll both be given a teleprompter and whoever reads his talking points faster will be the winner," explained Obama. "No contest. You would win it," conceded McCain. "I can't talk out of both sides of my mouth like you can."

Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states. John McCain corrected him, "That's 44 too many states."

John McCain and Barack Obama are both ready for the Presidential race. Obama passed his latest drug test and McCain passed his yearly autopsy.

[Scott Eveland]

Originally Posted by H2only

that video is actually a skit from the TV comedy "Reno 911" its not real

And if it makes anybody feel any better, reciting the alphabet backwards is not a real SFST (standardized field sobriety test) recognized by NHTSA and most courts.

Still a hillarious video!

[brademan76]

IncredibleStory





In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University


On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


Twenty years later, Peter was walking through a Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk gently around Peter legs, lifting him carefully then slammed his stupid assagainst the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[Wirenut]

Originally Posted by Scott Eveland

And if it makes anybody feel any better, reciting the alphabet backwards is not a real SFST (standardized field sobriety test) recognized by NHTSA and most courts.

Still a hillarious video!

That's interesting. I was asked to do that when pulled over in a trap leaving a hockey game. After I did as asked,(not sure how, but I did it!) he asked me to stand on one foot with the other out in front of me and my arms outstrected; then touch my nose. All of the which I did, (30 years of slalom skiing paid off.) When he told me I was free to go, I carefully commented that 'most people couldn't do what he asked me to do on their best day'. He replied 'But you passed them all after admitting you'd been drinking'. I later found out they don't expect you to pass, but are looking for the reply "I couldn't do that if I was sober"

[magnusthebigbrownlab]

Originally Posted by Wirenut

That's interesting. I was asked to do that when pulled over in a trap leaving a hockey game. After I did as asked,(not sure how, but I did it!) he asked me to stand on one foot with the other out in front of me and my arms outstrected; then touch my nose. All of the which I did, (30 years of slalom skiing paid off.) When he told me I was free to go, I carefully commented that 'most people couldn't do what he asked me to do on their best day'. He replied 'But you passed them all after admitting you'd been drinking'. I later found out they don't expect you to pass, but are looking for the reply "I couldn't do that if I was sober"

I got the "follow the tip of the pen with only your eyes" schtick, and then had to close my eyes and approximate 30 seconds to myself and then tell the copper "stop" when I thought 30 seconds had passed. I told him stop at an actual 29 seconds. Pretty friggin good, I thought. Still had to do the breathalyzer. Which I passed...but we don't want to get me rolling about how much I hate DUI checkpoints.

[Catfish Kid]

Originally Posted by brademan76

IncredibleStory





In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University


On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


Twenty years later, Peter was walking through a Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk gently around Peter legs, lifting him carefully then slammed his stupid assagainst the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.

I wonder what his son was thinking about...?

[OldBaldGuy]

One crisp autumn morning, a grasshopper was sitting at a roadside, sniffing the last rose of summer, when an ant came by carrying a kernal of corn.

"I'll let you smell this rose if you'll give me a bite of that corn," said the grasshopper.

"What were you doing last summer while I was busy harvesting?" inquired the ant.

"Chirping and singing," said the grasshopper.

"You should have prepared yesterday for the wants of today," said the ant as he started across the road.

"And you should have stopped and smelled the roses," said the grasshopper, as a passing automobile squashed the ant and ground the corn to a fine, palatable mash which sustained the grasshopper through another day of chirping and singing.

August/Sept 2008 "IN-Fisherman" as quoted by Rick Ziegler in Fly Anglers Online