Humor - Page 3

**Mako** · 08-16-2007, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoB_25

Do you hang out in peoples bathrooms.......

Some forum members are toilet experts!!! I'm nowhere near expert status.

Frosch · 08-16-2007, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldBaldGuy

Frosch gets on the plane, and sits down next to a guy with a dog sitting on the seat next to him. Frosch says “I didn’t think you could get a dog on the plane.” The guy says he is a federal marshal, and the dog is a “sniffer dog.” Watch this, he says. The marshal orders the dog to walk down the aisle and sniff every carry on bag. The dog points out a ladies bag and wags his tail. The marshal says she has “pot” in her bag. The dog then smells a guys bag, and raises one foot. The marshal says the guy has dope in his bag, and I will get these two people when the plane lands. He then orders the dog to go up the aisle. Suddenly, the dog returns, whines, and pees all over his seat. Frosch says what is this about? The marshal says “he just found a bomb….”

I'm a little late on this OBG.

Just because I caught I caught an 18" rainbow out of a stream with a little ole nightcrawler doesn't mean you have to pick me.

LundLover · 08-17-2007, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldBaldGuy

That's there's funny, I don't care who you are. The guy on the left looks stragely familiar. I can't quite think of the name.....

GenericAngler · 08-18-2007, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frosch

I'm a little late on this OBG.

Just because I caught I caught an 18" rainbow out of a stream with a little ole nightcrawler doesn't mean you have to pick me.

Frosch · 08-20-2007, 06:43 PM

This is bad but it is a fishing story. Of course neither one of you would do what this guy did.

He began his outing with a 25lb kingfish on the first drop and a 20lb snapper on the second. On the third drop he had just scored his first ever King Terakihi when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition in ICU.The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he would be there as soon as possible. As he hung up, he realised he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever fishing trip. He decided to get in a couple more drifts before heading for the hospital. He ended up catching several personal bests, limited out on three species and, all in all, had his best days fishing by far. He was jubilant!Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked him about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and kept fishing, didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself. While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the ocean, your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished the fishing because it will more than likely be your last trip! For the rest of your wife's life she will require round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.The doctor snickered, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Just joking. She's dead. What'd you catch?”

LiquidSteel · 08-20-2007, 10:10 PM

Now THATS FUNNY!!!!

Adam R · 08-20-2007, 11:42 PM

Didn't see that one comming. Very funny!

LiquidSteel · 08-22-2007, 08:12 PM

tmn515 · 08-23-2007, 02:37 AM

Frosch, that was great man!! Funny as hell!!! btw..Love your new avatar!!! Joba is kicking some major ass right now for my yanks!!

Troy

tmn515 · 08-23-2007, 02:41 AM

Michael Vick's Jury!!!!!!!

Frosch · 08-23-2007, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmn515

Frosch, that was great man!! Funny as hell!!! btw..Love your new avatar!!! Joba is kicking some major ass right now for my yanks!!

Troy

Being a lifelong Yankee and Husker fan who grew up in Lincoln I'm loving watching Joba mow them down for the yanks.

**holdemplyer** · 08-23-2007, 09:43 PM

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

redneck mesuring tape

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

LundLover · 08-24-2007, 06:16 AM

Great Thread. My source for great fishing humor.

Slack Jaw · 08-24-2007, 02:57 PM

REDNECK TOILET

**Catfishsteve** · 08-24-2007, 03:06 PM

An older fellow's wife passes away, but he still keeps his date with his regular fishing buddy to get out in the boat later in the week to fish.

"She'd want me to go" , he says.

So, that morning, while they are fishing out at Zorinsky, a funeral procession goes over the bridge, headed out to Center St.

The old guy sees this and he stands up in the boat and puts his Corona cap over his heart until the long line of cars disappears from sight. Then he takes his seat, put his cap back on and continues casting.

"Wow!" his buddy says "I never realized what sentimental old cuss you are, I've never seen anyone do that before. Your wife sure was lucky to be married to such a thoughtful guy all those years."

The old man thinks a moment and then says "well yeah, it's the least I could do, that was her in that hearse!! "

LundLover · 08-24-2007, 03:49 PM

LundLover · 08-24-2007, 06:47 PM

south of 41 · 08-24-2007, 11:10 PM

A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man's wiener off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the wiener smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, and then flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, Daddy, "what the heck was that?"
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey."
The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

CanoeGuru · 08-25-2007, 01:26 PM

LundLover, that evil baby pic is great! I sent it to a coworker lady who loves babies. She'll get a kick out of it!

LundLover · 08-25-2007, 08:22 PM

08-20-2007, 06:43 PM	#45 (permalink)
Frosch Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: omaha Posts: 1,106 Thanks: 8 Thanked 10 Times in 6 Posts	This is bad but it is a fishing story. Of course neither one of you would do what this guy did. He began his outing with a 25lb kingfish on the first drop and a 20lb snapper on the second. On the third drop he had just scored his first ever King Terakihi when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition in ICU.The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he would be there as soon as possible. As he hung up, he realised he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever fishing trip. He decided to get in a couple more drifts before heading for the hospital. He ended up catching several personal bests, limited out on three species and, all in all, had his best days fishing by far. He was jubilant!Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked him about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and kept fishing, didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself. While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the ocean, your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished the fishing because it will more than likely be your last trip! For the rest of your wife's life she will require round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.The doctor snickered, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Just joking. She's dead. What'd you catch?” __________________ If you are a fish and want to be a fish stick, you have to have really good posture. Mitch Hedberg

08-20-2007, 11:42 PM	#47 (permalink)
Adam R Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Omaha Posts: 380 Thanks: 4 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Didn't see that one comming. Very funny! __________________ Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

08-23-2007, 02:41 AM	#50 (permalink)
tmn515 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 611 Thanks: 46 Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts	Michael Vick's Jury! Michael Vick's Jury!!!!!!!

08-23-2007, 09:43 PM	#52 (permalink)
holdemplyer Director Join Date: May 2007 Location: hunting for Kenzies MA gill!!! Posts: 2,078 Thanks: 46 Thanked 77 Times in 49 Posts	Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater." redneck mesuring tape 1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener. 2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat. 3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter". 4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file. 5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with. 6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude". 7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you. 8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp. 9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family. 10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal. 11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing. 12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot. 13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting. 14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house. 15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage. 16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone, __________________ I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!

08-24-2007, 06:16 AM	#53 (permalink)
LundLover Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 3,831 Thanks: 26 Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts	Great Thread. My source for great fishing humor. __________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-20-2007, 10:10 PM	#46 (permalink)
LiquidSteel Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 697 Thanks: 65 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Now THATS FUNNY!!!!

08-22-2007, 08:12 PM	#48 (permalink)
LiquidSteel Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 697 Thanks: 65 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

08-23-2007, 02:37 AM	#49 (permalink)
tmn515 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 611 Thanks: 46 Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts	Frosch, that was great man!! Funny as hell!!! btw..Love your new avatar!!! Joba is kicking some major ass right now for my yanks!! Troy

08-24-2007, 02:57 PM	#54 (permalink)
Slack Jaw Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Nebraska:Where men are men and sheep are afraid. Posts: 285 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	REDNECK TOILET __________________ Someday never comes.

08-24-2007, 03:06 PM	#55 (permalink)
Catfishsteve Director Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Plattsmouth, NE Posts: 6,654 Thanks: 9 Thanked 81 Times in 29 Posts	An older fellow's wife passes away, but he still keeps his date with his regular fishing buddy to get out in the boat later in the week to fish. "She'd want me to go" , he says. So, that morning, while they are fishing out at Zorinsky, a funeral procession goes over the bridge, headed out to Center St. The old guy sees this and he stands up in the boat and puts his Corona cap over his heart until the long line of cars disappears from sight. Then he takes his seat, put his cap back on and continues casting. "Wow!" his buddy says "I never realized what sentimental old cuss you are, I've never seen anyone do that before. Your wife sure was lucky to be married to such a thoughtful guy all those years." The old man thinks a moment and then says "well yeah, it's the least I could do, that was her in that hearse!! " __________________ Attention deer hunters!! Get in on the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. sponsored by To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. World's Foremost Outfitter!? Here are *To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* . The NEFGA Buck Bash is FREE to enter and Cabela's will be providing tons of great hunter gear prizes. ********

08-24-2007, 03:49 PM	#56 (permalink)
LundLover Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 3,831 Thanks: 26 Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts	__________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-24-2007, 06:47 PM	#57 (permalink)
LundLover Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 3,831 Thanks: 26 Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts	__________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-24-2007, 11:10 PM	#58 (permalink)
south of 41 Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: sea monster Posts: 2,208 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 4 Posts	A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man's wiener off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window. Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the wiener smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, and then flew off. Surprised, the daughter asked her father, Daddy, "what the heck was that?" Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey." The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?" __________________ The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. Eighty percent of success is showing up. RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT SINCE April 6th 2008

08-25-2007, 01:26 PM	#59 (permalink)
CanoeGuru Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Lincoln Posts: 1,120 Thanks: 2 Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts	LundLover, that evil baby pic is great! I sent it to a coworker lady who loves babies. She'll get a kick out of it! __________________ "Survival depends on being able to suppress anxiety and replace it with calm, clear, quick and correct reasoning..." -Sheck Exley

08-25-2007, 08:22 PM	#60 (permalink)
LundLover Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 3,831 Thanks: 26 Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts	__________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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